12-Nov-2023
I can never forget the morning of 09-Nov-1995. It was the day my mother passed away in the morning. I don't recall exact time but guess between 8 am - 10 am. I still have memories of the previous night and those sometimes looks very fresh like it happened pretty recent.
She was diabetic for long, and she got it when it was a very new disease. She was first on animal insulin for quite some time as we only discovered it one day when she fell down from bed in the morning in 1982/83 summer. The doctors administered animal insulin and she just on this deadly medicine from the early on. She shifted to human insulin in late eighties or early nineties. In nineties, she had lot of attacks where the glucose level fluctuated mostly on the low and she admitted to hospital many times that at some point she started saying she doesn't want to go to hospital. However, the damage was already done. Her kidneys suffered and gradually took a toll on her. She had a lot of suffering and the thought of that there was only one way it can end crossed our minds many times. It's easier to think that way, and the thought and something happening in practical is quite different.
Every year, November brings memories of me losing her, and it really makes me sad. She was gone too early. We had a relatively very frugal living in those years, and I have always wished if she could be alive today and can have the life better than what she endured for 48 years. I was very close to her and witnessed her suffering very closely as spent more than a year in caring for her day to day. I wish I could have done better or tried harder to save her.
She wanted to live and during her last days, she kept on saying "meinu dilli le chalo", take me to Delhi for treatment. Listening to that was so hard as we knew it's not going to help. My father did all he could to save her including going to some priests and other religious pandits across faiths. In the end, prayers didn't help at least keeping her on earth. Well, I can only wish and hope that she rests in peace.
One particular experience that I can't relate to science. She was in coma for almost few months and, two to three days before her passing, she woke up in the morning like there was no disease. She ate well, talk to everyone including my grandparents (they are no longer with us). It was like, wow, feeling was what on earth happened. The day went too fast, and she went to sleep close to midnight. Next day, she was back to old coma state. I am not sure how is it possible to be like that for a day. I did hear some stories where your inner sense, or "Chetna" come back before your end, but experiencing it firsthand was incredible. Hope she rests in peace.
Today is a Diwali day and this is my first time in Bangkok as Pallavi and Myra are here. This is also first time, when my son will be away during this day. Also, my father will be celebrating this with my brother. Many new directions this year.
It's looks like another day here but my whatsapp full of Happy Diwali wishes. I wish all a very happy and prosperous one and have a good weekend, if you still get some time.
vA
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